New life.... Celebration!

I can't believe that am already a mother of 2. I'm really grateful and thank God for giving me 2 beautiful boys to my life. Love both of them dearly... Ethan and Isaac mummy loves you forever... both of you are my angels....!!

Marriage

What is marriage? Are we still living in the imagination world that believing marriage always ends in happy ending that the couple will live happily forever and ever?

Not for me, I do not believe in marriage anymore. Apart from that, marriage in all country is just a piece of paper being signed in front of witnesses as proof that they are a legally married couple. But who will know how long this marriage gonna last till? You'll be surprised that the marriage might end after few months or few years or even few days time.

I've suffered a lot. As a young teenage girl I used to dream of a happily ever after marriage, but it did not turned out as what I've expected. Even up till today I'm still doubtful on what marriage is all about and why am I landed into this situation.

I've been married for 3 years and I find that throughout the marriage life there are more sadness compare to happiness in my marriage. Hubby and I tend to argue nearly every alternate months and from there our conversation became lesser and lesser - to avoid arguments. The situation became worst as we lived apart now, occasionally we meet up during weekdays to spend time with our son.

My hubby is a very sensitive and impatient person. Anything that got on to his nerve he will start to burst, all this only occurs after he became jobless. Normally our arguments always involve financial as he is a huge spender on friends but NOT family.

He doesn't seems to care about me and the son (financially) but after moving out, my son hardly sees him because my hubby's time is all being mixed up whereby he only sleeps in the morning and wakes up at night.

With the second baby coming along, I've started to question myself "Why did I landed up into this situation?" Knowing that there is already existing problems that cannot be resolved, why on earth did I make myself pregnant again with our second baby?

Just like my first pregnancy with our son, my hubby doesn't even bother or take responsibilities to care about my feelings. Instead more and more arguments will occur due to lots of unnecessary.

What could I expect more in this marriage where he is a person who only thinks for himself and put his friends first before his family! I'm just counting on the days to go as I'll be leaving here with my son to Australia for a better life.

Will see how he will react to this and takes what pre-cautious to gain back the trust and role of a man in the house during this period. If he thinks that giving up a family is worth it, then I could say that this marriage will be an end for me and my children.

My son and I

My son and I have a very closed relationship. I think is due to the commitment that I've put in throughout the entire process. What I mean process is since child birth till now. I took care of him with all my heart.

He will turn 3 this December '08, he is very intelligent and smart. A fast learner as we use to call him. He is the apple of the eye in our family. No matter what happen between hubby and I, my son will always resolves the sadness or problems during that moment.

I'm so blessed to have him..

Life

What is life? To me life is so colorful when there's happiness and becomes grey when all problems arises. I used to be a happy go lucky girl throughout my younger days but problem started after I got married 3 years back.

Before we got married, my hubby is a very caring and responsible man. Money is not a problem to our family. Things got worst after 2 months of married life, my hubby lost his job and argument between us started. With me being pregnant that time, the pressure was all on me where my parents kept nagging and telling me that my hubby is useless as he just rely on his wife after being jobless.

I tolerated knowing that my decision is right, unfortunately he became very impatient and start loosing his temper towards me he even raised him hand on me. I was so hurt and felt that I was betrayed and promises made by him was not been fulfilled.

I decided to go over to Australia to deliver my baby. I find that my relationship between both of us as husband and wife became very far apart, we do not communicate like we used to. But instead we started to have lots of arguments due to financial problem. He became very lazy and refused to work and bear the responsibilities as a husband and as a father.

After an emergency C section to deliver my son, I've made the decision to come back and to give him another chance to work things out. I was surprised that I found him a job and very soon he was back to the work force. But as usual, things wouldn't turn out as what have been planned, he lost his temper in front of his boss and quit the job.

Being me again, I'm trying to help out from every possible ways. Knowing that he wants to start up an own company, being his wife I fully supported him all the way thru. The hardest part was, I quit my job and helped him out full time.

Unexpectedly the responsible of the company falls on me. He started being lazy and goes out late at night and only returns in the morning. I have to see the clients to make sure to bring in businesses and profits to the company. I was getting so frustrated as he does not even help out and demand for his pay.

Life between us and our son was not as expected from what have been planned. We still argues on a very frequent basis. Even my son now who turns 3 this December '08 doesn't really follow his dad. I think kids do really have their own instinct to sense things and evaluate what is right and wrong at a really young age.

I will be flying to Australia again for my second pregnancy. This time I gonna be smart and to start evaluate my husband before making any decision to return back home after my delivery.